So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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