i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
