I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
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