If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize