I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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