I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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