Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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