Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
