Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
My pussy is not your playground.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
