i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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