Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
