Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize