Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
