i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
