but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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