Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
