On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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