i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
