happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
