OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
