It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
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