All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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