Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
