my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
