I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
