Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
