K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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