"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
