Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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