Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
