I want to walk on stilts...naked
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
