Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
