She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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