i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
