I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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