love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
