Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
