So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
