just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
