Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
