I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Your penis caused this!
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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