Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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