You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
