I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
