Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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