...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
