Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You don't make any sense
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