my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You have to summon your inner elephant
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I need water and some morals
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
