Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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