Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Randomize
