How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
