My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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