I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize