Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
