I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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