I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
