The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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