bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
