The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
