Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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