WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
