I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
