you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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