This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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