I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
