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I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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