i just wanna soil my oats bro
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
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