It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
