omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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