Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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