There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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