Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
