Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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