he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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