tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
