She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
