you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize