Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
you had me at cake vodka
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
