i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
