No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
The best revenge is premature balding
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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