Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
