I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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