i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
