my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He? As in you personified your dick?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize