So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize