I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
