I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
