he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
