you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
The power of my boobs compel you
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize