Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
