perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
