The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
