I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
