I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
