I'm so fucking centered right now
My hand turned me down
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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