She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
